When I was at primary school I started to notice that girls were much prettier than boys. I even had a few crushes, but I didn’t make it to the Wendy House for my first kiss until intermediate. Crushes prepared me for the more serious stuff later in life.

My college years began and I started having girlfriends – never at the same time! – but the relationships didn’t last long. Breaking up was never easy for me; nothing is simple when feelings are involved. Tom Cruise summed it up perfectly in Cocktail: ‘Everything ends badly otherwise it wouldn’t end’.

My crushes became more intense. If I was feeling confident I could talk to the girls I liked – make them laugh. If I was insecure, then my mouth dried up and my tongue felt like it had been anaesthetised, tripping over my words.

My first true love entered my life two years out of high school. When we parted ways, I grew disillusioned about almost everything. Love is meant to last forever, right?

After nursing a broken heart (bring out the violins please) for a few years, I met my next girlfriend. She made it possible for me to move on. But time and circumstance prevented this relationship from enduring. Perhaps I was still carrying scars.

My partner today – she’s proof that lightning can strike twice. She’s smart and beautiful and I love her. When we first met, she thought I was a ning-nong. It took me a long time to convince her I was a likeable ning-nong.

I’m no expert on relationships. Being yourself seems logical, otherwise you’ll be found out soon enough. But I’ve learned a few things along the way.

If a relationship ends and you still want to be in it, then don’t pester your ex. Hold your head up high, be prepared to accept ‘no’, and be patient. If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.

And

While I believe in fairytales, I also think if Cinderella broke up with Prince Charming, she’d eventually find another match. That’s not to say childhood sweethearts can’t grow old and die together, hands held in The Notebook perfection. But you can mend a broken heart, and you can love again. I did.

Acting Agony Aunt

Jonathan K Benton

Postscript: what does this blog have to do with writing? At the heart of almost every novel there’s a love story. It doesn’t have to involve love in the romantic sense of the word either. Writing, itself, is a labour of love.

A recent article in the paper highlighted yet another heart-breaking example of the imbalance that exists in this far from perfect world. An undercover cop wrote about how she used to visit addicts’ houses and witness parents taking drugs while their kids played in the same room. Images of sorrow and neglect.

I believe in a future where technological advances and evolution (or God’s rule if that’s the way it’s going to be – I simply don’t know) have shed this pointless want to hoard, replacing it with a belief that Earth is a village. It’s the simple big-picture truth anyway. Balance would govern this future. The insecure few might say I am plugging one political system over another – I’m not. Blaming politics is a cop-out anyway – an addict doesn’t get better by pointing the finger at others. We must take ownership for our society, our humanity.

But the distant future does not help the neglected child sitting in a corner, right now, clutching a teddy, watching their mum or dad numbing themselves with drugs.

I will give to the needy.

I will go out of my way to help others.

I will be more aware, and I will always listen.

I do these things anyway, but not enough. It’ll never be enough until every child is freed from the shackles of abuse and neglect.

JKB

I use dialogue from movies in everyday situations – the people I am talking to usually have no idea. They just think I’m odd. I sometimes need to adapt the quote to suit the conversation. Here’s a list of my favourites; ones that I re-use because they make me smile. Star Wars features strongly. It is my favourite movie.

If someone tells me to hurry up:

I say, ‘I’m going to hit the brakes, he’ll fly right by’.  – Top Gun

If someone points out a particularly magnificent moon:

I say, ‘That’s no moon, it’s a space station’. – Star Wars

If someone keeps interrupting me when I’m in a hurry:

I say, ‘There’s no time to discuss this as a committee’. – Star Wars

If someone asks me what I’ve done with my life:

I say, ‘I have the death sentence on twelve systems’. – Star Wars

If I mention someone’s name, and somebody else asks ‘Who?’:

I say, ‘Who? Who? What are you, an owl?’. – Heat

If somebody (including myself) makes a bad decision:

I say, ‘He chose … poorly’. – Indiana Jones

AND finally, no list of movie quotes would be complete without Arnie …

If I’m feeling stressed:

I say to myself, ‘Relax, you’ll live longer’. Total Recall