Things we do to amuse ourselves

book-revealI use dialogue from movies in everyday situations – the people I am talking to usually have no idea. They just think I’m odd. I sometimes need to adapt the quote to suit the conversation. Here’s a list of my favourites; ones that I re-use because they make me smile. Star Wars features strongly. It is my favourite movie.


If someone tells me to hurry up:

I say, ‘I’m going to hit the brakes, he’ll fly right by’.  – Top Gun


If someone points out a particularly magnificent moon:

I say, ‘That’s no moon, it’s a space station’. – Star Wars


If someone keeps interrupting me when I’m in a hurry:

I say, ‘There’s no time to discuss this as a committee’. – Star Wars


If someone asks me what I’ve done with my life:

I say, ‘I have the death sentence on twelve systems’. – Star Wars


If I mention someone’s name, and somebody else asks ‘Who?’:

I say, ‘Who? Who? What are you, an owl?’. – Heat


If somebody (including myself) makes a bad decision:

I say, ‘He chose … poorly’. – Indiana Jones


AND finally, no list of movie quotes would be complete without Arnie …


If I’m feeling stressed:

I say to myself, ‘Relax, you’ll live longer’. Total Recall

USA – Thanking you – Jonathan K Benton

jkbI like America. It brought me Star Wars and Forest Gump. I want to hire a 1958 red and white Plymouth Fury, call it Christine, and drive Route 66 staying at dilapidated motels with flickering neon lights owned by cross-dressing men called Norman – as long as Norman behaves. I like Tom Cruise. He got fired from his ad agency taking nought but a goldfish. Raymond E Feist, George R.R. Martin, David Eddings and Janny Wurts. To Kill a Mockingbird, The Great Gatsby, and Huckleberry Finn.  I want to get lost – on purpose – in the Louisiana swamps and stumble across a little town called Bon Temps full of pale-faced nocturnals.


Muhammad Ali – you are the king. Don King – I am not sure what you are. Babe Ruth – I knew your name before I knew the game you played. I was five years old, and I was born 50 years after you retired, and if I dropped your name into a sporting conversation, everybody nodded sagely. That is greatness. Carl Lewis and Pete Sampras. Jesse Owens and Michael Phelps.


Bill Gates, who adds value to this world with his technology, and then uses the proceeds of his success to save lives. Wilbur and Orville Wright – flight. Thomas Edison – light. World War 2 – you sent your sons to defend the world against tyranny. Bubble gum – thanking you.


I’m tired of seeing negative articles about the U.S.

Jonathan Benton – Making Scents of Christmas

jkbThis piece relates to my previous blog: ‘Writing when you haven’t got anything to write about’. I used to write poems in my spare time. Often just for a laugh. I wrote the following poem for my niece and nephew many moons ago. My nephew then read it to his class – I’m not sure his teacher was impressed! I borrowed the first two lines from Clement Clarke Moore’s Xmas poem. The rest is all mine. Feel free to personalise the names in the poem and hand it out to family and friends.






Making Scents of Christmas


Twas’ the night before Christmas when all through the house;

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

When all of a sudden, Tom woke with a start,

Surprised from his sleep by young Wendy’s fart.

‘Wake up!’ Tom cried. ‘You made a noise from your bum.

I’m telling Santa you farted, I’m telling our mum.’

But Wendy kept sleeping, unaware of her noise,

Dreaming of firemen and sailors, and other pretty boys.

Tom lay back in bed, until sleep he did slip,

When young Wendy Parker let another one rip.

This fart was much louder, with a voice of its own,

A mini explosion that made Tom groan.

Tom raised his hand, as if to whack her,

When out from her bum blew another cracker.

Wendy woke as Tom choked on her savoury smell

Smiled sweetly and whispered – ‘What’s up pal?’

‘Your bum is what’s up,’ Tom wept in disbelief.

To which Wendy replied with another loud beef.

That smelt of roast turkey, apple sauce and plum pud.

A touch of Christmas, and all things good.

And the moral of the story as you probably can smell –

We all know boys fart in bed … but girls do as well.



Jonathan K Benton – Storm Clouds

minaea-desktop2-previewToo often religion is blamed for causing war. I’m not a psychologist, but that argument is another example of people not taking ownership of the problem. Humans cause war. Pure and simple. If religion didn’t exist we’d find something else to hide behind while we lob stones at each other.


I was sitting on the train today. Clouds were brewing over Brisbane. Four women sat in front of me chatting about work. Other people read books, and still more passengers focussed on their phones. A mother sat with her young daughter. The little girl was clutching a big red Dora the Explorer bag and gazing out the window watching the world rush by.


Why do we have to share this planet with puffed up, self-important, sabre-rattling bullies, who will never ride the train with the innocent; despots who hold the world to ransom and care nothing for the little girl with the big red bag.


Our role is to protect the future, not destroy it. Please. No more. Enough.



Jonathan K Benton – On books

jkbLife is chaotic, which is not a bad thing. It just means there are infinite possibilities, lots of potential. It also means don’t ever give up. There might be something incredible waiting for you centimetres (or inches) down your timeline. I won’t lie – there could be something frightening too, but we must search for the good in life. There is a lot of it.


Novels take a slice of this chaos and mould it into something that makes sense. Catch 22 is the only book I know that successfully captures the ‘big picture’. Milo Minderbinder is a brilliant character, and Yossarian most definitely lives. Fantasy is no different. We readers like to relate to stuff – especially characters. That’s why every significant character possesses human traits. Hazel the rabbit from Watership Down couldn’t be more human. Robert Jordan turned honour into a character and gave him a name: Rand al’Thor. Some characters are more nuanced than others, perhaps because the novel is character driven, rather than plot driven. But we must relate to characters.


What constitutes a great book? This question causes heated debates, and because of the chaotic nature of life, there is no right answer. Some argue copies sold – a sound argument. If a book brings pleasure to a large amount of people, then it is doing exactly what a book is meant to do, more so than a less popular book. Others argue a great book must be thought-provoking, full of cleverness and beautiful writing. A fair assessment perhaps? No, because there is no right answer. Books inspire individuals, and we must accept that individuals are unique, and being unique is beautiful (as long as you’re not hurting others).


Yours truly